Lunch, Dinner and Dessert

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Homemade Chicken Soup, Salt-Free, Full Flavor. All Natural. (No Soup Mix or Pre-Made Base)

1 sweet potato

1 yellow onion

2 stalks celery

2 carrots

1 handful of sliced baby portobello mushrooms

1 chicken thigh (whole w/bone)

3 second pour of canola oil

Powdered garlic to preference

Sautee on high for 5 minutes, then add water to fill the big pot half-a-hand to the top. Bring to boil, then cover and continue cooking on a high simmer. After  a half hour, add:

1 zucchini

1 squash

Cook for another 30 minutes. Then add:

1 handful of spinach

Turn heat off but leave on burner, covered, and let spinach cook into soup. Take out chicken thigh and let cool. Then separate meat into pieces and return to soup. Toss out the bone. Makes a lot of servings and is absolutely amazing. Salt-free and full of natural flavor. You’d never know it was salt-free!

 

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Chicken Guacamole Sandwich

Lightly toasted bread

Mayo

Guacamole

Cheese

Tomato

Chicken

Spinach

Don’t forget the pickle! (very important to a pregnant woman!)

 

Dessert was brownies but I substituted unsweetened apple sauce for oil to make it healthier. Tastes amazing and virtually fat free. A great way to indulge the chocolate/sugar cravings without the fat.

 

 

Hir Nihata

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On Saturday, three nights ago, I got into a heady fight with a man I’ve been having an affair with for over 3 years. Things escalated and I remained mature and professional even though he became arrogant, cold and punitive. Later that night I dreamed that my daughter and I were on a plane and had caught something while traveling. Concerned, I went to the ticket counter’s service desk after the flight to report it. “Hir Nihata.” Clear as day, it kept ringing in my ears. Although there were half a dozen agents seated behind the counter, not one of them began to help us. After fifteen minutes of being ignored, I asserted myself and spoke up that we had caught Hir Nihata. Immediately the agents became very concerned and began showing us excellent service to address our needs.

When I woke up I googled what Hir Nihata means because it was so clear to me in my dream yet I had never heard these words before. Hir means a form of “Her.” And Nihata. (click to link to the definition.)

Great, so now I’m dreaming in Sanskrit –which is more apropos than you can imagine, and the symbolism and literal meaning is disturbing. But, in a way that left me consoled. “This is how things are now,” the consolation whispered, “but be patient and things have a way of changing with the Universe’s Intention.” I thought about how, 10 years earlier, I had wanted my daughter and I would have never in my wildest dreams (and you know how wild those get!) would have imagined the circumstances leading to how I would get my daughter 8 years after that dark chapter. Things have a way of working out, but the Universe weaves a mysterious fabric and each thread has its own way to fulfill the pattern.

Will I give up? No. I have been resurrected and I have resurrected. I have learned patience and diplomacy where once I only knew how to escalate. This man, too, has been given redemption and a chance to right the wrongs of the past in more ways than The Creation. It is his karma to provide now for failing this before.

The Panic Sets In.

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I was laying in the bed. Was it a hospital? Hospice? All I knew was that I was dying. It had been going on for a day now, but today I could feel my body shutting down. I was living the dying. There is a certain level of terror to feel that each breath is your last, only to discover hours later that you’re still hanging on and still dying. I became worried that the nurses would do something to my body too soon after I took my last breath –like cover me with a sheet– you know, after I had taken my last breath but before I (my soul) had separated from my body. That in-between place where I was dead but there was still enough residual brain activity for my ears to hear and my soul to still feel connected to my body. Even though I had been dying all day, there was a certain level of endlessness to it. I had already accepted it and made my peace with it. I was ready. But the final breath would not come. And that was the terrifying part.

Then I heard a nurse say sadly, “But she’s so young.”

I was very out of it and asked the nurse how old I was.

“You’re 36.”

The panic sets in. My daughter. Where is my daughter?! What’s going to happen to her? I’ve made arrangements but am I really comfortable and happy with those arrangements? I need to call her grandmother and her godmother. I need my daughter with me. Where is she? Where will she go? What will happen to her? She won’t understand. I could feel the volcanic tsunami of uncontrollable sadness my daughter would feel, and my heart shattered for her. The panic of knowing she would be without me and there was nothing I could do. The panic that I would be without her, forcibly separated from her against my will, and there was nothing I could do. I was no longer at peace with dying. I was no longer ready. I mustered all my strength and found my cell phone and began making phone calls to explain to close friends and relatives how I was suddenly dying and had a day or two left to live. Suddenly I didn’t want to be alone in my dying.

I woke up with my pulse racing, the panic still alive in my heart. It was a dream? It was a dream. I rolled over to tell someone, to share this horrible nightmare with them, to be soothed and comforted by them, but they weren’t there. Not yet. He’ll be here soon; in a few weeks, less if I’m lucky. I thought about calling him, but at that moment my dog came into my room and offered comfort and a wet nose on my cheek as a kiss. It helped me feel less wobbly between the dream world and this reality, and more grounded in the knowledge that it was just a nightmare. I just couldn’t shake the terror.

Momentary Perfection.

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For just a brief moment last week I realized that my life was perfect. On a personal level, I wasn’t adrift over any guys and was in a happy and peaceful place with my singleness. I was making huge leaps and bounds in paying off my mortgage faster than anticipated. I had recently lost my one eyed black cat 2 weeks ago but neighbors had spotted her and we were reunited several days later. Then, shortly after we were reunited, my car needed a $900 repair. Then my clothes stopped fitting (welcome 2nd trimester!) so I went to a discount store and bought some items that should last me through the entire pregnancy. Then I discovered an ad for NSA sex on Craigslist (I browse while bored!) and the picture in the ad was my friend’s husband. The ad was nasty and he definitely wasn’t planning on playing safe. So I had to wrestle with that decision and with the guidance of friends, decided to mail her a copy of the ad anonymously because I didn’t want to be involved yet knew from at the very least a health standpoint that she needed to know about his intentions. And then yesterday. Yesterday I dropped my daughter off at her grandma’s house and did that $150 pregnancy wardrobe shopping, and after walking out of the store I get a call from my neighbor. My little black kitty is in her house and isn’t doing so well. I went straight there and it looked like she’d been hit by a car. She was bleeding from her mouth, acting like she had a concussion, lethargic and crying in pain. I scooped her up and immediately drove to the nearest ER clinic with her in my lap while she bled on my arm and shirt. The vet said it wasn’t a car. It was acute kidney failure. No pain meds could be prescribed because her body was shutting down and it wouldn’t be absorbed, and her body was shutting down fast. She maybe had 24 hours left to live but she was in a huge amount of pain. The ER vet cost $700 and I would have gladly gone into debt to save her. She was a beautiful soul. I regret not spending more quality time with her, but that’s my lesson to live with.

Mitzvah went into acute kidney failure yesterday morning and I rushed her to the ER. We spent her last few hours cuddling while I cried my heart out to her. Looking back, it explains her “wandering” behavior the past few weeks when I thought she was lost. During the time she went missing for a few nights, I prayed for 1 more night with her. I was given 2 additional weeks. I didn’t realize she was dying. I rescued her from an animal shelter in Israel in 2006 and even though she’s been my most expensive kitty I have never regretted it. She adopted me just as much as I had adopted her. She was a true lap cat. She was a boss. She loved making eye contact while sitting in my lap and getting petted. She loved joining me while I took the dog for a walk with the baby and she would run to accompany us the whole way. After speaking with the ER vet, looking back there had been symptoms, but I hadn’t recognized them. Yesterday I rushed her to the ER thinking she had been hit by a car, but the vet diagnosed kidney failure. It was a great shock to me that her final moments had approached. She was supposed to be around for at least another 5 years. She was supposed to meet the new baby. But, her body was failing fast and due to her kidney condition the vet was unable to give any pain meds. Her final time was spent being loved and cherished. Forever my 1 eyed black kitty I rescued from Israel. My family won’t be the same without you.

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More pics!

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I love the mall photo booth! It prints the pictures as stickers! Love the stickers we got today! I rarely, and I mean, like nevaaahhh, go to the mall. I think it’s been a year? Maybe longer? But the tax-free sales today…and I have gift cards I’m trying to live off of. So we went. First to Old Navy where we scored some much needed items for cheap –so cheap that I didn’t use the full amount of the gift card and was handed back $4 in change! Score! Then to Macy’s to use that gift card, but they don’t carry toddler shoes. WTF? Seroiusly? Fine, so we went across the mall to Dillards and I paid for the cheapest (and pretty awesome) Stride Rite shoes ($25) that fit my toddler. Because her big toe had been hanging off by about an inch on her “old” sandals. I’d say it happened overnight, but it had been steadily outgrown since May. It’s just easy to lose track of because here in Florida we go around barefoot a lot. Or, I’m carrying her. Or, she’s in a shopping cart. Then, since we were in Dillards and they were having this incredible bra sale 2 rows over from the toddler shoe section, I checked it out. Because January 2013 was the last time I bought 2 new bras, and for an item that is worn daily to hold up these massive DDDs, you can imagine the condition they are in TODAY. I scored 2 new GOOD bras for hella cheap! They were 50% off clearance!!! So I got a Wacoal for $5 (OMG DUDE!!! It’s a great bra!!!) and a Natori for $10!!!!! Both are really supportive and excellent quality –not the cheapy lingerie special date night type, these suckers are built to last. And they’re sexy! Bonus! Sorry, the pics aren’t of me showcasing the bras. By this point my toddler and I are in desperate need of food. So we hit up the smoothie stand and then shared a slice at Sbarro. Upon our trek back across the mall is when I spotted the photo booth. Tempting since we were both fed and in good spirits. And then I noticed it prints the photos as stickers! Like, actual peel them off and stick them on things-type-of-stickers! SOLD!

In other news, I’m glad I’m hustling in some extra cash because my daughter’s dance classes are $95/month for 3 classes/week. Each class is an hour. She’s taking tap, ballet and tumbling! It’s an absolutely amazing deal for 12 hours of dance/month! I’ve also got her in a Montessori/Waldorf art class once a week at $12/class. It’s a brilliant class and she responded instantly to it. It was beautiful to see and be a part of it. A part of her I had never seen before lit up and blossomed before my eyes.

In other news, I begin my 2nd trimester in 2 days (on Tuesday, so technically less than 48 hours)!!! I’m feeling good most of the time. Sleeping has been weird. I fall asleep instantly, but then wake up around 3am with insomnia. It makes me feel a bit off throughout the day and my body begs for a nap when I put the toddler down for hers. So we end up napping together, which is really nice & great bonding. I’ve got 2 names picked out and I’m really struggling with which one to use! They are both beautiful. I’ve asked several dozen people and without fail every person picks the one the previous person didn’t chose, which has left me with a 50/50 split! *sigh*

Good times at the mall!

Good times at the mall!

 

No H2O Rice!

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I’ve been craving Thai food and I’m on a budget, so in my haste to shove food in my mouth I came up with a really fast and super delicious recipe that thousands of others probably 1) Already know about and 2) Probably do way better, but here it goes:

Put a cup of rice in your rice cooker bowl and wash it several times. Add 1 can of coconut milk. Add 1 spoon of green curry paste. Cover and start the rice cooker. When it’s finished add a little salt. I also added salmon and broccoli to mine.

It was freaking phenomenal!!!! My newest addiction. The rice had so much flavor! I’m no longer cooking my rice in water. Boooooring! A can of coconut milk makes it soooo yummy!

Thai-ish rice!

Thai-ish rice!