There are several happening right now.
First one happened last night when my daughter and I were at the beach in the evening. Right as we were leaving guess who I saw walking along the beach? You got it, the ex-fiance. Fuck! I ducked behind the ramp, but my dog had caught wind of his husky and took off to say hello to his long lost canine friend. Of course once he saw my German Shepherd bolting towards him and the two dogs chasing each other happily at warp speed on the beach, he began to look for me. He was with some girl so I thought he’d just wave and keep walking, but no, he actually approached me. I thought to apologize to my face, but no, it was just to engage me in conversation. His friend began to get frustrated with him taking so long talking to me so as she approached I asked if it was his girlfriend. He said no, but mentioned it was his ex (the one before me that he had a restraining order against because she’s an even more self-absorbed psycho than he is!)
“You know she just got out of spending 3 months in jail and her boyfriend broke up with her and got a restraining order against her, too.” I told him incredulous that he would be hanging out with her.
“Yeah, she was just telling me all about that.”
Fucking weirdos. They totally deserve each other. No wonder they lasted 5 years together. He would call the cops on her because she’s an alcoholic and would fly into these drunken rages, she’d go to jail and come out all sober and loving, until the cycle repeated again in a month. I’m telling you, this bitch has over 3 dozen mug shots online at the local county jail, and that’s just in this state. She’s got records in other states, too.
Anyway, he tells her he’s going to be a minute and she walks off to wait for him while he chats me up. We exchange basic information, you know, I ask him how his sobriety is doing, if he has a job and if he’s still living with his mom. Towards the end of our 15 minute conversation I share with him my good news about my pregnancy. I gotta hand it to him, he kept it professional and congratulated me and wished me the best.
Then I get a text at 2 am that says, “You really got me tonight. My heart just totally sank and shattered on the ground when you told me that.”
After several texts he elaborated that he had been holding onto the fantasy of us one day getting back together, and deep down he really held on to this idea. And then he went on to say that he wished he had never met me and that me having another baby with the donor was a deal breaker and to not ever contact him again.
I’ve already thanked my little fetus for doing what I wasn’t able to accomplish –finally getting rid of the ex from hell. At least the ex admitted to living in a delusional fantasy. Thank god my pregnancy allowed him to (finally) let go of the idea that we would end up together. I can summarize our entire relationship by just saying it’s really frustrating being with someone who misinterprets everything you say and do. And if that didn’t sum it up, then this does:
The other delusional fantasy is:
The one with my housemate. See, she’s Chinese. Like, from China. Like, moved to the States last year. So there’s a language and culture barrier, but we’re both ok with it. However, I mentioned to her my pregnancy and how it’s a sister to my daughter and she started asking me about my husband. Fuck.
I told her the truth, that we used to be married but we were really young and it didn’t work out. But then, you know, her look of confusion and the language barrier, and the cultural gap…I just kinda winged it. I told her that he lives and works very hard in another state (truth) but that he takes care of us and wants to be with us very much (lie). I thought that would be enough and the end of this conversation so that we could just sweep it under the carpet and be housemates and focus on dishes and schedules and stuff that people do when living together, but now she keeps asking me about my husband. So I tell her he’s working really hard and he’s doing good and very excited about the baby. That seems to make her happy. You know, because she gets on the phone and tells her mom in China about everything here. I realize my lifestyle is seriously deranged to a traditional Chinese woman and her family and they must have raised eyebrows about the house where their daughter is living. The only great thing about this situation is that my housemate needed to live in a house with no men, so my arrangement works well for her. Only females here!
The third delusional fantasy:
Is regarding a friend. This friend is very much in love with me and my daughter. This friend walks around in his life in a functioning shell of himself, but only comes truly alive when spending time with me and my daughter. We bring out the love, humor and emotion in him. He’s not used to feeling the range of emotions and it scares him, so he gets upset and angry. This friend is living in what can only be described as a fake marriage. For 8 years they did not tell their families that they were married. They have lived in separate states since almost the year they got married. They see each other a few times a year and maybe have sex once a year, if that. He stays with her out of some deranged misguided obligation. I say misguided because for personal reasons his obligation to me should weigh greater than to a woman who is basically a wife only by paper. His wife is a pretty woman and is a pharmacist, and could get another husband easily enough, and one who would probably treat her better (like live with her, be thrilled to have sex with her more than the obligatory once a year, and a million other things that loving couples do).
My stance is that if he can’t figure out an exit strategy, or is unwilling to, then aside from depriving us from becoming a true family with me and my daughters, he is unwilling to live in an alive state with a woman who ignites all the fires in his soul. Ultimately, I’ve stopped talking to him because it’s just too difficult for me to feel this way that I’m feeling. I feel like he’s choosing this fake wife over the potential for a real family. And it’s become difficult for me since my daughter has begun wanting a father figure to attach to. It’s become a knife in my heart.
All I can say is if he hasn’t learned the meaning of the word regret and hindsight by this point in his life, then there’s nothing I can say or do to sway him otherwise. He’s made enough bad decisions in his life to know how regret works. To not be a part of our lives, especially these precious baby years, will be the biggest regret of his life. He has the power to live a truth yet he chooses to live a lie. It’s why I can’t even talk to him anymore. He is the biggest love of my life, and I his. We do things for each other that no one else in the world could ever understand. It’s just a waste of a family. His wife can always get another husband, my daughter is growing up without a daddy. I’m sorry, but I care more about my daughter than his fake wife, and I feel that my daughter having a daddy is way more time-sensitive than the other. His wife can always remarry. My daughter can’t redo her childhood.