I’m in the process of truly moving on from Chance. He has such a long way to go emotionally…and if I stick around he will never not resent me. He does not want me. So, I will move on and in a couple years he will be ready but I’ll have moved on. Our timing in this life is shit. Just bad timing. The way he treats me, the way he judges me, the way he is such a dick to me — I’ve been thinking a long time about how to answer my daughters when they eventually ask about why Chance and I didn’t work out. My answer is, “If he’d treated me right, I’d still be with him.” And that is exactly why I am moving on. It’s not about what he wants or what he needs anymore. It’s about me and what I want and need. I’ve had relationships where I’ve been treated insanely awesome in every facet and capacity! I was willing to be with Chance even though he treated me with the most minimal standards, and then frequently treating me less. I was willing to compromise on that and settle for way less than common decency and common respect. It would be one thing if I never knew from a good relationship, but I’ve had truly great men in my life and I’ve had incredible relationships. It is important for me to be treated right, not only for myself, but as a bigger example to my daughters. I hope to set the example that, although it’s hard and extremely painful, we have the courage and strength to walk away from a relationship that no longer serves us. I had tried my hardest, I had been patient and forgiving and devoted. I had given all the chances I could give. At some point I realized that the issue is not me. It’s him. No matter how many times he twists it around to blame me, whether for something I did recently or something I did 15 years ago –those are his issues, his handicaps, not mine. True love is about forgiveness and seeing the best in the other person. Although Chance loves me, it is not true love. The example I want to set for my daughters is to recognize the difference between love and true love. I want to show them that it is possible to move on and feel good about it. I want to show them that it is possible to have a “healthy ever after” instead of a happily ever after. No matter how much I fought to make it work, no matter how deep I dug my heels in to stay committed and devoted during the most painful times, I have been unable to give my daughters the cliche fairytale ending. But it’s ok. I can still set a great example for them. I can give them the healthy ever after. This is the modern fairytale ending. This is how the fairytale between Chance and I ends.
Healthy ever after means a strong working relationship with Chance for the girls. The girls should have the best possible relationship with him, and I will never get in the way of that. I will always encourage them to bond and to have as great a relationship as possible.
Healthy ever after means that I come out stronger and better because of what I’ve been through. It didn’t work out the way I wanted, but that’s ok. I shouldn’t have to settle and compromise on being treated well in order to be with the man I love. I deserve to have a love that is reciprocated. I deserve a lot of things that I was willing to go without.
Healthy ever after means that I can find a man who will be a great partner to me and who is a true family man. It means finding a partner who is enthusiastic, willing and capable of stepping up to be an awesome daddy. The girls have a father now, but they deserve a daddy.
Healthy ever after means we are all amicable and friendly, and there is love. We are able to work together when we need to, we are able to problem solve when we need to, and all in the best interests of the girls.